Why Does It Seem So Scary`Thoughts that make me go uhh

I have been listening to Esther Hicks and she keeps talking about allowing yourself to go down stream, down stream, down stream she will repeat again and again, and it seems scary and I experience anxiety filled moments of just trying to imagine what it might be like, to let go. Let go? What is it I am holding on too? What is it that I clutch and am so terrified at the very thought of letting go. I have seen how so, up stream, up stream, up stream I am and it is really to no avail well I have survived so that should count for something its only fair. Fair; we want it all to be so fair. Don't we? But really fair right? Oh God here with go with right. How right you are! Don't you know I am right...don't you think? Right, if we are right, does that mean there has to be others that have to be wrong so it that we can be right? We spend so much time and unmeasurable amounts of energy trying to be right or at least not to be wrong and we forget who we are and why we are here. Why are we here? But really why are we here. Here this moment, this space, this very second why are we here? When we dare to look what might we see? Today it looks not too bad, tomorrow might be not so good. What we do in the meantime with all this going on, we keep going up stream, up stream, up stream and trying to pretend this is all normal. Well isn't it?